


Afterbath

by Victoria Grant (wavewriter)



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-11
Updated: 2013-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-11 11:44:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wavewriter/pseuds/Victoria%20Grant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>David and Michael talk after David's visit to the bath house. They try to work out what happened, and many insights are revealed, some uncomfortable. Bittersweet and angst. Spoilers: Takes place immediately following episode 118</p>
            </blockquote>





	Afterbath

Afterbath

by Victoria Grant

 

I wondered how much time we'd spend categorizing compact disks. My guess was not that long, and it wasn't far from the mark. After a few minutes of half-hearted help, I gave up and went upstairs to brush my teeth. When I came out, David was waiting for me at the door. He reached out to touch me but then, with an atypical nervousness, pulled back his hands.

"Michael. I..." David closed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened his eyes they were shining, not tearful, but full with regret. "I'm so sorry."

"I know you are."

"Really?" David's surprise seemed genuine.

"Yes. I haven't exactly made things easy for you, either."

"But that's no excuse-"

"You're right. It's not," I agreed. David tilted his head and pursed his lips, a mannerism that I'd learned meant he was both perplexed and a little amused. David's face and body language were so expressive, more items on the growing list of things I loved about him. "It's not an excuse. But it helps me to understand."

"So - so you're saying...you understand what I did?"

"Not entirely, but I understand...enough. Enough for me be here."

"Enough to forgive?"

Something seemed to happen to my voice, so I just nodded my head. I felt a tickle on my face, and when I quickly swiped my cheek, the back of my hand was wet. I stared at my damp skin as if it would reveal a universal truth. Or maybe just the answer to why I was so damn confused.

"And do you, do you still..."

I looked up and read the fear in his eyes. I smiled, and David let out a breath and, very slightly, smiled back. He took my hand in both of his. I felt much stronger, and started to breathe again. I finished his question for him.

"Do I still love you?"

David blinked a couple times, and bit his lower lip. I added another bookmark to my 'Doctor Dave' favorites list.

"Yes. I do." I closed my eyes, wondering if the right words might magically appear like dusty, white chalk on rough black slate. Then I felt David's hands circle my waist, and I couldn't help myself from grinning. I opened my eyes and, to no surprise at all, found his face so close to mine that I could feel the warmth of the love I saw in his eyes. "I just do." I laughed and squeezed his arms so hard it was almost a pinch. "Though I don't know why, you big jerk!"

His eyebrows lifted in surprise, but I laughed again, and then so did he. His hands crept under my shirt and he started to caress my belly and my back.

"Michael, I," David swallowed hard, and I knew the sudden increase in the speed of his heartbeat probably exceeded the hammering of mine. "Is it too soon?" he asked, his voice low and tense.

I couldn't help myself; I studied the length of his incredible body and when I saw the sizable bulge straining beneath his jeans, I shivered. He caught my chin and lifted my face. He was smiling now, his expression questioning. I moved my hips, rubbing my own hardness against his.

"I'd say it's just in the nick of time."

David's arms came around me and squeezed hard. His lips felt warm on my neck as he kissed his way up to my ear. He sucked on my earlobe as he guided us to the hallway wall.

"You're so hot, Michael," he breathed, then kissed my mouth. He kissed me hard and deep, right away, no playful warm-up. His hips pinned me against the wall and his erection felt like iron as it stabbed against my groin. Then his fingers worked at my belt, got it loose and tugged at the snap. He kissed me so intensely that soon I had to fling my head to the side to catch my breath. He tongued my ear, and whispered, "I want you."

I knew it was true - that he wanted me. After our first couple of dates my insecurity gradually eased. Now, I had no doubts about how much I turned him on and how much he loved to make love to me. That's what made what he did so much harder to understand. But as he freed my zipper and shoved down my pants, I stopped thinking about it because I couldn't think anymore, I could only feel. I felt his mouth cover mine, claiming me with a fiery urgency. I felt his fingers squeeze my cock, then push between my cheeks and probe my body's sensitive opening. When he ripped his mouth away from mine, and I saw the dark pulse of desire gleaming in his eyes, I wondered if he would fuck me right there in the hallway.

Then, breathing hard, he rested his forehead against the wall.

"David," I said, scrambling to unfasten his pants. "Don't stop."

David pushed away my hands, then grabbed the bottom of my shirt and yanked it up and over my head. I worked at kicking off my jeans, and when I was done, and looked up at him, he was staring me, his eyes taking in every inch of my nude body.

"Jesus. Michael," he said, his voice cracking. "I love you so much."

He closed his eyes and pulled me into a crushing embrace. He started kissing me again while his hands caressed by back, my ass, and squeezed my waist. I reached up and grabbed his head, holding it steady, and kissed him back with such strength that finally his mouth submitted to mine. I kept kissing him until, breathless, I broke away and gasped for air.

We were both panting. I felt his fingers twist my nipple, and the sharp pang of pleasure made me moan. Wrapping my arms around his strong body, I could feel him, and - he was shaking. That's when my knees turned to rubber.

David must have sensed what was happening. "I'm taking you to bed."

He was so sure and strong. His strength and control turned me on, no matter how much I protested around the gang. The twitch of his jaw was the only sign he gave of the effort it must have taken to pick me up so smoothly and gently.

After he let me down on the mattress, he stripped for me. The bed was already half turned-down, and watching closely while David peeled off his shirt, I kicked off the rest of the covers. The smooth sheets felt deliciously cool against my feverish skin. When he was naked, he stood still for a moment, and I examined his body with sheer delight. I started grinning, and David smiled too, and finally he was on the bed and holding me in his arms. Our bodies tangled together, and his flesh felt so hot and his body so hard that the mixture of sensations made me shiver violently.

"You're so beautiful, Michael," he breathed, as he kissed my neck, my face and my lips. "You're so sexy. You turn me on."

David was always complimenting me, whispering when we were making love or when we were out together, and speaking aloud when we were at home. I could hear Brian snicker, as if he were here in the room, Sure, you're sexy. Isn't that what I always told you, Mikey? But Brian was wrong - he hadn't always told me. Yeah, he'd said it few time, told me I was hot, or that I looked good, but he never said it like he meant it, and certainly never acted on it. Every compliment David gave me came from his heart - I was certain about it. David loved me and he wanted me, and I knew I made him happy.

So then why...

No. I had to stop thinking about it. It seemed that maybe I was wrong; it might be too soon to be making love, at least for me. My head thought it and my heart felt it, but my body just kept responding to David's passionate attention. As he started to work his way down my body, I shoved away any conflicting thoughts, and let myself feel the amazing sensations. His lips and tongue worked my nipples. His fingers pinched and stroked, touching me everywhere, and I couldn't help but moan and dig my fingers into his flesh.

There was a brief pause and our eyes met. "Baby," he whispered, and nipped my swollen nub, "I love it when you get this hot. I'm gonna suck your cock, Michael."

My eyes snapped shut and my entire body tensed; David bit down on my collarbone, not enough to break skin, but enough to mark me. He sucked hard, and after he released my flesh he licked the sore patch soothingly.

"David, fuck me," I said, my need to possess and be possessed obliterating all other thoughts.

"No, baby. Not yet."

He moved my body so that I was on my back, with my legs hanging over the edge of the bed. David spread my legs, then knelt on the floor between my knees. He started kissing me, tonguing my belly, licking my inner thighs and mouthing my balls. My hips lurched up, but his thumbs dug into my groin as he held me down.

"Patience, love," he whispered, blowing warm breath against my wet skin. He slid his hands around to cup my buttcheeks, squeezed them, spread me, and then buried his head against me. I arched my neck and cried out with pleasure. His tongue probed me relentlessly while his soft hair tickled my balls and cock. He kept it up until it was too much for me to take.

"David, please!" I begged him, afraid I might come before his lips even touched my erection.

"You got it, baby," he said, his voice husky, and then he covered my cockhead with his mouth. I almost screamed, jamming my fist in my mouth and sliding my fingers through his hair. David made love to me with his lips and tongue; they sucked and licked and teased my cock, careful to keep me on the brink of coming. He wouldn't let me thrust, and he kept the pace slow and his touches light while the tension kept winding tighter. My body trembled and my voice grew hoarse as the pleasure grew more intense.

When he finally eased his grip on my hips, I felt one long finger probe my clenched opening, twisting and rubbing and then pushing deep inside me. I started to thrust and he swallowed most all of me in the wet-heat of his open mouth. I kept on thrusting, his muscles relaxed, and soon he was taking my entire cock down his throat. His finger kept moving inside of me, stroking the spot that turned my into body one giant, erotic nerve. My hips kept bucking and lurching until the sensations met and then surpassed the point of ecstasy; I shuddered and exploded inside him. He groaned and started sucking hard, drinking all I had to give him. My climax was different than any I had ever experienced and my body kept shaking, even after I was totally spent. David moved next to me and took me in his arms. I clung to him while he held me and massaged my back and ass, and whispered that he would love me, and only me, forever.

David held me for I don't know how long. Tenderly, he kissed my shoulders and caressed my back. He was still hard, and as we embraced, I could feel the throbbing heat of his erection, but he didn't pressure me at all. He never did, he was always patient and often put my needs before his. I felt comfortable, and I knew that even though he wanted me, I could fall asleep and he wouldn't be mad. That's how much he loved me.

Sure, Novotny. He loves you so much he lies to you and sneaks off to a fucking bathhouse!

I pulled back from him, just a little. Lazily, he opened his eyes, and he smiled, his lips red and puffy from all the lovemaking. I wanted to gnaw on those lips, to suck his tongue, to kiss him forcefully enough to taste myself deep inside his mouth. I wanted to tell him how special he was and how much I loved him, and that I totally understood and forgave him.

But I blinked and I said: "David, when you close your eyes, who do you think of?" It's not what I wanted to say, and there was a place in my mind where I knew I was taunting him. My timing was, at best, lousy, and bordering on cruel, but I just didn't care. "Who do you see?"

"What?" David squinted and frowned. I wished I could take back the question.

"Just forget it."

I turned away from him and rolled on my back. Rubbing my eyes, I cursed myself for my tendency to blurt-out whatever was on my mind. "I'm sorry I said anything," I mumbled, hoping he would drop it.

"But...what...close my eyes when?"

"You know, David."

"Are you talking about...the other night?"

"Yes. When you went to...that place."

"Oh, that's just terrific, Michael!" he said. I opened my eyes. His face was now tight with pain and tension.

"I said I'm sorry! Please don't go totally freaked on me, David."

"But you said you were over it!"

"I did not! I said not entirely."

"Yeah, but-"

"So then why don't you just answer me, David? When you were standing there surrounded by strange men, just who the hell were you thinking of?"

"You never answered me, Michael. Why should I answer you?"

"Oh, now that's a logical argument. Where did you learn to do that? On the debate team in college?"

"Damn it," David hissed. Gritting his teeth, he swung his legs over the side of the bed. I bolted up and grabbed his arms. It took all my strength, but I kept him from standing.

"You know what, Doctor Cameron?" I asked, thinking, _You're a pain in the ass!_ Digging my fingers into his flesh to resist his efforts to shake free, I yelled, "The wronger you are, the madder you get!"

David's body stiffened, and then he stopped struggling. It was like he gave up, and I could almost feel the anger pass through him as his muscles relaxed. He twisted his torso, faced me, and grabbed both my hands. Biting his lip, he spent several moments staring at the sheets. Then he shook his head and when he looked at me, his eyes were shining. When he spoke, his voice was low and serious.

"I didn't plan on falling in love with-with-" David looked up at the ceiling and then sighed loudly. He finally finished. "With someone like you, Michael."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"When I close my eyes," he said, and gracefully slid his legs back up on the bed and covered them with the sheet. He turned and hovered over me, cradling my face in his palms, and stared directly into my eyes. "I see you. Only you." His hands slid from my face to my shoulders. "And you know - you know- I am telling you the truth. I fell in love with you," he snapped his fingers, "so fast, and I fell for you so fucking hard." David laughed a little bit. "And I was so excited!" He grabbed both my hands again, and his face expressed his delight. "I had so much to share with you! And then...and then..." his features crumpled and the happiness simply drained from his eyes, and his voice became flat, "you told me you didn't want me."

"I didn't tell you any such thing!"

"Oh, no?"

"No! I just wasn't ready to move in! I just thought...I just wanted..." I felt uncomfortable, and so fucking phony. I had once believed everything I tried to explain to him, but right now it sounded bogus.

"You wanted what, Michael?"

"Oh, fuck you, David," I protested weakly, looking him straight in the eye and pouting. I wasn't ready to accept any truth in what he was saying.

"You wanted your clubs, your friends, your-your-"

"You mean Brian."

"Whatever. You wanted-"

"Well if we're both being honest, David, then just say it."

"Say what?"

"Say his damn name!"

"Okay, Michael!" David leaned close to me, so that his face was about an inch from mine. His next words were rapid and clipped. "You wanted your freedom because you wanted to be available to Brian, more than you wanted to be with me." Then David pulled away from me, and propped his back against the bed-board. He folded those amazing arms tightly around his chest. "The night I told you about the dinner, you," and he jabbed his finger at me, "you didn't bat an eye. Sure, go ahead. Have a good time. I'll go out with the guys."

"I thought that's what you wanted!"

"No, that's what you wanted!" he shouted.

"Wait a minute, David-"

"Michael -" he started to clench his jaws and his hands were balled into fists. But then, as I watched him, he closed his eyes, leaned back and took a deep breath. After he calmed down, he continued. "You never asked if you were invited. You never asked when I'd be home. And God forbid you would ask me if I could get out of the dinner - if I could cancel it. You were relieved."

"That's not true."

"You want honesty, Michael. That goes both ways. You were relieved you had an excuse to go out."

"I admit I was happy to see my friends!"

"It's more than that, Michael. You tell me that you still love me. Even after what I did." David looked away from me for a moment, and I could tell that he was making a massive effort to both be honest and to stay in control. When he met my gaze again, his eyes blazed.

"Well, your love for Brian has no conditions, does it. No matter what thoughtless, selfish stunt he pulls. You will always love him. You drop anything and anyone to be there for him." David stopped and glanced away again. I reached out and touched his arm, but he shook his head, and I let my hand fall away.

"Let me ask you a question," he said, and when he looked at me I could hardly bear to see the pain in his eyes. I struggled to stop myself from hurling my body against his and begging him to stop hurting and to let it all go. "How would you deal with it if I had a friend like Brian in my life? Someone who I would run to at the drop of a hat, and leave you alone in the middle of a romantic weekend. Tell you Hank was sick and that I had to be with my son, and then meet my friend at a bar. How would you handle it?"

"I don't know." And that was the truth. All I knew was that I was emotionally exhausted, and couldn't handle much more of the confrontation.

"The other night I made a stupid choice. I should have told you the truth about how I felt, but I didn't. If you had just asked me, Michael, I would have come home to you."

"Would you have really done that?"

"In a heartbeat." He tilted his head, and his eyes narrowed as he studied my face. "Now it's your turn, Michael."

"What do you mean?"

"It's about time you answered me. Who do you see when you close your eyes?"

I searched his face, knowing I had to answer him quickly. It seemed so long ago, that night we had come home from Babylon and David had first asked me, When you close your eyes, who do you think of? I couldn't really remember what I had been thinking.

"You. I see you, David," I answered firmly and without hesitation. That was then and this was now. I told him the truth, I convinced myself, because lately it was entirely true. But for some reason I felt terrible, and a cold, harsh pain churned in my gut and made me shiver. I tugged at his fingers, and David finally uncoiled his tightly clenched arms, reached out and pulled me against him. We stretched out on the bed and his body felt so good, so warm and so strong. I buried my face into his neck while he caressed me, his one hand rubbing my back, his other cupping my ass.

"I love you so much, Michael," he whispered. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, too, but for the second time that night I couldn't find the words. I tried to take a few deep breaths, but it was difficult because I was shaking so hard. He helped me move so that I laid on top of him and he covered us both with the sheet. I kept my eyes squeezed shut, my face pressed against his chest, until the steady, strong beat of his heart gradually began to calm me. Tightening his arms around me, he kissed my hair and my cheek while murmuring soothing words.

"I love you baby," he said again, and he kept saying it, as if he were telling me he loved me for the first time. Or maybe he sensed that tonight, for the first time, I finally believed it was true.

As I lay in my lover's arms and began to calm down, I started to feel the effects of David's caresses. I wanted him again, and I sighed and rolled to my side, letting my hand roam his smooth chest. Making love to David was something amazing and special, something so unique that I had nothing with which I could compare the experience. David was in his forties, but to me his body was prefect. He was definitely sexier than any man I'd ever been with, and better looking than most any man in the city. He was so totally sensual and enjoyed everything I did when we made love. He made me feel like I was an incredible lover, and it was the biggest turn-on in the world. I never realized that learning to love a man - learning what he liked and what he loved, learning what made him smile and what made him scream - could be such a thrill. I couldn't understand what Brian had against long-term relationships. If only...

"Are you feeling better?"

David's voice surprised me. When I looked at him and couldn't easily read his expression, I hoped he wasn't still angry. "Yeah. I am. Thanks. I'm sorry I brought all that up, right after... right before... You know."

David smiled. "Yeah, I know. But don't be sorry. We needed to talk about it."

"Maybe not at that exact minute!"

"Yeah, we did. And right at that exact minute."

I shrugged. "How do you feel?"

"Good. And getting better every second. But, uh, before we get too far, Michael, do you have any more questions?"

"Yeah. I do."

"Okay. Shoot."

I yanked at his hand and pulled it to my groin, pushing it against my growing erection. "What're waiting for, stud?" I asked, in what I hoped was my best John Wayne drawl.

Making the weak joke was a gamble, but I won the grand prize: his smile took my breath away.

"Well," he said, moving his hand away from my sex, shifting to his side and stroking my neck, "it just so happens that I'm waiting for the man I love."

His loving reply squeezed my heart, but more than that: It blew my mind. I had no idea how to react, so I slid my arm around his back, but David kept the length of his body from touching mine. "I'm waiting for you to be ready, Michael. You take as long as you need."

"Don't be silly, David!" All the emotion of the day was taking its toll, and I was beginning to feel overwhelmed.

"I'm serious." He cupped my face with one hand. "Before I make love to you again, I need to be sure you want me as much as I want you. If...it's too soon, I'd rather wait. You see, I know for a fact that you're worth it."

I knew how much he meant what he said, and I felt something close to awe that the man loved me so much. But I didn't know what to say back to him. While it was true that I felt better about everything that had happened, I was still confused, and not just about David and me. I was baffled about life in general. I had to get away from my emotions.

"Five...four...three...two...one...Buzz!" Laughing, I grabbed his shoulders and shook them.

"What was that?" he asked, grinning.

"That was all the time I need, David. The waiting is over."

"Are you sure, Michael?"

"Yeah, big guy. I'm sure. And," I tickled his belly and when he laughed I maneuvered him on to his back, "I think I know just how to convince you."

"You always know," he said, and he wasn't laughing anymore. One hand curled around my neck and pulled me in for a kiss, a kiss that started slow and proceeded with a deliberate passion. I pressed my body against his side and let my hand drift to his groin. I started stroking his already hard sex, squeezing the thick head between my thumb and fingers. A drop of fluid escaped, when I massaged it into his flesh he groaned and flung his head to one side, his face flushed with arousal.

I started kissing him everywhere, nibbling along his collar bone, my fingers pinching and caressing him while I licked his warm skin. David always had so much energy; even now his body quivered like a tuning fork as I teased a tender nipple to an erect peak. He made soft cries of pleasure and his fingers twisted my hair, tugging when I bit down hard on the stiff nub.

"Baby, that's so good," he said, his voice rough. David pulled my hand to his face and while I tongued his nipples he gently sucked my fingers. A strong surge of excitement blasted through me, and as I worked my way down his body I jammed my own aching groin against his thigh.

I didn't know if it was because of the tension from our argument, or just because I was so turned on, but making love to him that night was an incredibly intense experience. I felt sexy and powerful, and I tried to take it slow and prolong our pleasure but I couldn't wait: I had to have him in my mouth. So I kept moving until I reached his hips, and then rubbed my face against his thick rod.

"Oh, yeah," David moaned, and grabbed my head, wordlessly urging me to my intended destination. Stretching my lips to cover his swollen member, I swallowed him hungrily. He tasted delicious, and I switched back and forth between sucking and licking, lifting my head so I could go down on the entire rigid length of him. David's thighs were stretched taut; when I paused to catch my breath I saw his white-knuckled fist, contrasting the erotic flush of his neck and face. Sliding my hand over my own erection, I started pumping, knowing neither of us would last much longer.

"No, wait," he whispered, and hooking his hands under my arms he pulled me up till we were face to face. "Jesus, Michael," he gasped, and then grabbed my head and kissed me. "I'm not gonna make it, I gotta do it now if you want me to..."

"Hell, yes, I want you to!"

Not waiting for him to change his mind I rolled to my back. As I did that, David grabbed the bottle of lube and tossed it to me. His fingers dug into my legs and spread them wide-open. When he knelt between them I had my hands ready for him, dripping with the lube. I shifted my gaze to his glistening sex and then used both my hands to drench it with the cool lotion. I started to shiver and when I looked up at him our eyes met. His hand joined mine and his fingers soon became wet.

"Fuck me now, baby," I said.

David swallowed hard and licked his lips. Our gaze remained locked when his finger found my hole started rubbing it and stretching me. I freed his erection and twisted my arms up and under my neck. Two fingers entered me, stroking me, and my body writhed in pleasure and need.

"I'm ready now, David," I urged him, my voice shaking, "Don't make me wait."

Keeping his teasing fingers inside me, he bent and kissed me once, hard. Then he straightened and the fingers withdrew, but they were replaced by the cushioned tip of his solid shaft pressed against my ass. David lifted my legs, and bending my knees he leaned forward, covering my chest with his. He started to ravish my lips with his with his, his tongue eagerly exploring my mouth. His hips moved and I felt hot waves of pleasure when his cockhead entered my body. I took a deep breath and relaxed, and at the same moment David thrust again, and once more, and then easily penetrated me fully.

"Jesus Michael. You feel so fucking good," he hissed, and then started rocking slowly, burying himself deep inside me while he kissed me and tweaked my nipples. I moaned, wrapped my arms around his back and rocked with him. His hand squeezed between our bodies and his fingers circled my cock.

We fucked that way for a long time, both of us panting and groaning as the pleasure increased, until David broke the kiss and propped himself up on those strong arms. He started thrusting hard and steady, his eyes shut and his jaw clenched tight. I dug my fingers into his back and his eyes flew open.

Supporting himself on one arm, he smiled ferally, and he grabbed my erection and began to pump it. The incredible sensations quadrupled, morphing into ecstasy, and within moments I exploded, my entire body thrashing with pleasure. David started fucking me wildly, his movements completely out of control, his beautiful face contorted and reflecting his intense desire. When he climaxed he shouted my name over and over again, before he collapsed on top of me. We held each other tightly and he stayed inside me for a long time.

Totally exhausted, we both fell asleep.

I woke up first, feeling pins and needles in an arm trapped under David's muscular chest. I managed to get it free without waking him, and I rolled on to my back, flexing my tingling arm until the normal flow of blood returned.

I felt..euphoric. But when I was with David I always felt great, and was always sure about our relationship. I had no doubts about how much I loved him, and I was always happy spending time with him. But when I'd hang out with Brian, everything would change, and I'd get so confused about how I felt. I thought about the talk David and I had, and I knew what Brian would say about the heart-to-heart: What a bunch of fucking Bullshit. Give me a break, Doc. And you too, Mikey. Save the sob story for True Confessions.

"What are you thinking about?"

I should have known I'd get caught again. I sighed. "Nothing, really."

"You know, Michael, a guy like Brian - he is intense. He makes everything he does seem glamorous, more exciting, and a lot more fun. When you're the focus of his attention, well, I can't speak for you, Michael, but I know the love from a person like Brian can be intoxicating. Even addictive." David touched my cheek, and I finally looked at him. He didn't look angry, just resigned. "But never - don't you ever - believe that the feelings I have for you are less intense then his are. I don't have his flare for the dramatic, but the love I feel for you Michael," he pressed his fist to his chest, "it's in here. Never doubt that."

"I know. It's just that..." that you don't understand, David, I wanted to shout. But I couldn't tell him, and one reason was because I suspected it wasn't true anymore, and that David understood a lot more than I thought. "Brian needs me," I finished quietly, hoping that somehow those words would, all by themselves, cover a lot more territory than I was capable of.

"Does he really?" David asked quietly.

"Yeah, he really does, David. He..." I closed my eyes and shook my head. How could I explain something I didn't understand myself? How could I make David understand a relationship that I'd had for half of my life? How could I tell him how much Brian depended on me to stay grounded, and to be there for him when he had no one else?

"Maybe that's true, Michael. But so do I. I need you too."

My eyes flew open. Did he, really? David's face and voice were so sincere. But how could a man as successful and confident as David was need me? David was a special man, so smart and so capable, so much like...

So much like Brian.

Damn. I had thought of them as opposites, but was David really so different? I knew next to nothing about David's childhood, and David refused to really talk about his marriage or Mack. Did David have memories just as painful as Brian's and just handled them less outrageously? Or...maybe dealt with them by pulling the occasional thoughtless, selfish stunt.

I couldn't think about it anymore.

"I know you do, David. And I'm here for you. I promise"

After everything we'd said today, that was all I could honestly tell him. I hoped it was enough. I couldn't face thinking about ten years down the road. Not right now.

David smiled and nodded his head, but his eyes were tinged with a lingering sadness; bittersweet, I think it's called. I suddenly couldn't stand his unhappiness, and for the first time I wondered if he could read my mind.

"I'm here for you, too. And someday, Michael, when, and if, you decide you're really committed to us," he wagged his finger between his body and mine, "and to our relationship, I'll still be here. Like I said, you're worth waiting for."

All I could do was promise him, "I love you, David. I really love you."

"That says it all, doesn't it. And that's good enough for me," he murmured. I nodded my head, smiling at him, I was sure, like a love-struck goon. But I prayed that the exaggerated grin hid the fears and uncertainties that still plagued me, or at least kept them from being as clear as the bittersweet hope that was etched on David's face.

The End

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